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Tuesday, November 8, 2016

Battle Gem Ponies DevLog #97 (This is Taking Forever)

Oh, GOD I'm still working on this thing? And it's not even past pre-alpha yet? 

     Feels like I've been working on this game my entire adult life. And I kinda have, considering this started as a Pokemon fan game when I was in 10th -11th grade.

More fan art exists!
Looking forward to the day where I can search for
BGP on deviantArt and just find hundreds of these.
  • 2016 Election Madness (and now, into the aftermath...)
  • Changed Light/Heavy/Status/Tutor Move Slots to Simple/Heavy/Effect/Tutor 
    • (to avoid vocabulary confusion) 
    • Still under consideration.
  • Small Tweaks to Wall Tiles
  • More Customization Menu Bug Fixing
  • Rearranged Development Schedule
  • Research on Try/Catch Error Coding
  • I'm Into Doctor Strange Now (this may affect Adventures in Equica lore...)
     Lessons Learned:
  • Read an interesting article by a Pokemon Uranium Co-Creator
  • This is the hardest part of development. Never have I ever worked on something this overwhelming. It's clearly possible for me to do it, but it's just so exhausting my body gives out. I can't seem to sit still until I spend an hour forcing myself into a state where I can concentrate on one task. Then the compiler takes forever or Unity crashes and I'm ripped out of the zone again.
  • I spend more time thinking about the freedom that comes with a successful BGP launch than I do about developing the game. Not good. Gotta get my head outta the clouds and into the editor.
       It's hard to express just how tiring this project can be. This is like when you're forcing yourself to eat in a competition because you're just a few hotdogs away from qualifying for 3rd prize. Also, you're approaching the time limit. And girls are watching. And people in 4th place and below have to exclusively eat hotdogs for the rest of their lives.

It's more than burnout. I think it's basic depression.

     Not the mental illness kind of depression, but an "I'm sad about X, Y, and Z" kind of deal.

     The girlfriend I once counted on for stress relief isn't there anymore so now I spend that leisure time stuffing my dark/lonely thoughts into a corner of my mind that's at max capacity. So I'm either stressed about this crazy huge project, stressed about the hopelessness of politics, stressed about living an hour long drive away from all my new friends, or stressed about romantic rejection.

     Maybe I should play video games and watch stuff more, but then I'd be stressed about not being productive. Each day feels like dragging a heavy garbage bag that could rip at any moment through ankle-deep mud and broken twigs during a thunderstorm. I just wanna be done and find someplace to hide until a better day comes along.


     Hmm... Seems to have slowed down a bit. Thought UT would be well over 95K by now. I really need to get that January BGP hype train started up.

Lucky Haze commission by rainwaterfallszone
     Unrelated pic of a friend's OC who I've had in mind for a cameo for at least half a year now. This happens to be the same person who inspires me to conquer my anxieties, swallow my feelings of inadequacy like giant pills, and be more outgoing. Like everything else, it's hard. But I'm making progress. At the end of it all, I'm hoping to be a better Yotes. One people really want to be around.

Back to work, for me I guess...  More gamedev on Friday.

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